Cell Phone For Man's Best Friend

Petscell is a cell phone that attaches to your dog's collar so you can stay in contact during those long days at the cubicle. Of course, if you want something a little cooler you could go with this. The damn thing costs $499, which is freaking ridiculous for the most basic cell phone ever (minus being waterproof), and doesn't include activation or service. It automatically answers calls from a list you set, so your pet won't kill itself listening to telemarketers. And now if you'll excuse me, I've got to call my bitch.

GPS Trip Tracker Gets You In Trouble

Telespial Systems has developed the Super Trackstick, which is a GPS based trip tracker. It has magnets on the bottom, so you just slap it on your vehicle and take off. Two AAA batteries power the thing for a month, so when you get back to your home base you just jam that thing into a USB port and it will upload your trip to Google Earth so you can live it all over again. I'd get one ($275), but I'm too afraid of my girlfriend sticking it to the bottom of my Tempo to find out where I really go when I'm "working late". You know, because when I say that I'm not really at work, I'm out being promiscuous.

Toy Radar Gun Mod

A guy has turned one of those cheap Hot Wheels radar guns into something that, uh, stays on all the time and has more batteries. I've played with one of these things before and they're not bad. If you wanted you could point this at me in a bar and see how fast I pick up chicks, the only thing is it would read "the speed of light" and then the damn thing would explode in your face. I'm just saying, I'm quick.

USB Spypen Is Huge, Won't Trick Anyone

The Thanko Spydisk packs an SD card reader/writer along with 512 MB of its own flash memory into a pen the size of one of those jumbo pencils you used in kindergarten because you had no hand coordination. The USB connector is hidden under the pen cap, and the car reader is behind the pen's clip. It costs $50 plus shipping, and I question its spy-worthiness. Of course, I'm not a very good spy. The last time I tried to steal a company's trade secrets I didn't download anything, and accidentally uploaded my personal banking information, along with some private pictures my girlfriend and I took on vacation.

Coffee Table Arcade Game

The Surface Tension Contemporary Arcade Coffee Table is a coffee table with a monitor under the glass and fold out video game controls. It's actually just a computer built into a coffee table that has video game controls, but whatever. That's probably better than having a dedicated video game console anyways, because eventually you'll have to take a break from gaming to search for naked lady pictures. While certainly better than this coffee table, the damn thing costs $6,600, which is completely uncalled for. I'll be sticking to my version of the coffee table gaming system, which is, well, Scrabble.

World's First Automated Restaurant

A new restaurant in Nuremberg, Germany is opening with no waiters. Because it's an automated restaurant! Named 's Baggers (yes that's correct, it starts with an apostrophe) the restaurant's only employees are the cooks (who should be replaced with robots). Patrons order via touchscreen (which doubles as credit card paying device), and the food is delivered via gravity from the kitchen above along steel rails. This place is awesome, and anyone who has been let me know. You know what else is cool? I've heard that if you have two legs or a wheelchair or even a walker and can locate the door all the food you order is free.

Solar Powered Water Purification

Designers Alberto Medo and Francisco Gomez Paz have developed solar powered purification bottles, cleverly named Solar Bottles. They hold over a gallon of water, and take about six hours to kill off the majority of things that aren't good for you, through a combination of high temperature and UV-A exposure. I think these things are a great idea. Because, let's face it, drinking a camping buddy's urine makes you less of a survivalist, and more of a sicko fetish person.